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Thursday, June 3, 2010

It's Called The Dating Game Part 1

I think I have formed a strong resentment towards dating. Well I should say in relationships at all. Most all of my relationships that I have had always ends up badly. I'm not saying I'm not open to dating, just I'm going to be more cautious of who I date.
Looking back on all my dating experiences I have learned one thing, and that is not to settle. You may feel like this person is the best you can do, and that is why you are with them but in the end, it's not worth it. After returning from my mission I started right up back to school and started dating. I gained a lot of gay friends while here some good ones, and some I wish I never met. My first dating experience being here in Idaho dealt with a very secretive gay guy, he was rich and would let people know he was. He wouldn't give me his real name until the first time we met, then he wouldn't give me his number until the second time, and each time I met him
I found out something new about him. I don't know why but I liked him a lot, he was different than what I was used to. He took me out and took care of me. We went to the movies and held hands and we talked about dating, it felt to me as if we were. He would text me every morning telling me good morning and that he was thinking about me. We would video chat, and talk on the phone.
Then one day he called it off and told me he didn't want a boyfriend. He later moved onto another guy and was paranoid I
was trying to find out who he was and got kind of psycho about it. Nonetheless we stopped talking after he threatened to file a lawsuit against me for deferment and slander. WTF? Who does that.
After that I was pretty bummed out, but to get my mind off of things I talk to guys and I date other guys. It just helps me out and helps me move on. Then there was a guy named Jeramy. Jeramy seemed like the typical gay. He was fun to hang out with and helped me get out of my mormon shell. I would always have a fun time hanging out with him.
He gave me my first taste
of alcohol, we had slumber parties and attempted to watch movies together. He told me he wasn't looking to date one guy but just have an open relationship and that he wasn't ready for anything serious. And my favorite date we had together was our last. I went to his place and we hot tubbed, watched a movie, and he fell asleep in my arms. Then when the movie was over we moved over to the bed and cuddled. He avoided talking to me for two weeks after that. Then he later told me that he was dating someone. I felt hurt and used, I yet again was a number 2 guy.
Then there was Kyle. Kyle seemed cool, he was a little shy around other people but once he got
to know you he opened up. I would invite him to hang out with my friends and I. And then I asked him out on a date. The date went well we went to dinner than a movie. And towards the end we held hands. After that he kind of ignored my texts, then I went to my friends house and saw him there. We just played it normal and talked to each other every now and then. Then that night was the first time I got drunk. It was with my friend his roommate and Kyle. That night we took a walk around the neighborhood and talked. Kyle was telling us how he was texting a guy named Steve. I told him oh I know a Steve thats gay, but he moved. Then Kyle asked me what his last name was, but I couldn't remember, then he asked me what his number was, and I told him how I deleted his number, but I do know he moved to this one city. Then Kyle got all defensive and told me how I probably didn't know the same person since I didn't know his last name or number. Then he asked me how I knew him, and I told him how we were supposed to date but we never ended up going on one.
Well the later that night Kyle told me how he asked Steve and he told him that we don't know each other. So I was fine with it and just dropped it. But the next day came and I got on my computer and his number was saved on my address book. Kyle and I talked and I asked him if everything was ok, since he had been ignoring me. He said yes, but he didn't think things would work between him and I since he was trying to work things out with his ex, and I wished him the best of luck. Then I told him how I found Steve's number and asked him if it was the right Steve. The he asked me why I gave him Steve's number and how he already had it and didn't ask for it. I just told him that he asked for it last night and I found it. Then he ignored me.
The next day I went on facebook to check out things and I noticed Kyle and I weren't friends anymore, so I messaged him and asked if I had accidently deleted him maybe or what. He then told me that he could tell that we were about to get into drama and he didn't want to deal with it. I told him how there was no drama and how I was fine with him trying to get together with his ex, and I dont care about Steve at all. He then told me that that wasn't it and how he had a lot of stuff going on in his life and he should have to explain to me what is going on and how he needed space and wanted space away from me.
I was kind of shocked, I didn't do anything. And then one more boy shot me down. I was getting tired of this, I was getting tired of guys, and always being a second choice to them. and when I thought that it wouldn't happen any more since it already did three times, what happens? Yup you guessed it, it happened again...

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