My Blog

Friday, August 6, 2010

A lot has happened since I have last posted on here. My life has changed completely. I was recently outed to BYU by a girl I know who was jealous I wasn’t dating her. She told the school about how I kissed a boy and went an a trip with him one weekend. I got called into the school and they told me that if I told on the person I kissed I would get suspended for only a semester, but if I didn’t then it’d be a year. I decided not to because I promised myself I would never rat someone out even if it came to this. So I ended up being suspended for a year.
They later ended up finding out who it was, and it was Cameron and kicked him out for a year. But they told him to never apply back to BYU again, because he had had a previous history with BYU honor code.

Cameron and I got back together after a big fight we had and thought things over and he decided that he wanted to pursue the gay lifestyle.

I ended up telling my brother first about the incident, he didn’t know I was gay before but I told him. He was pretty supportive about me, except he said that he doesn’t agree with homosexuality and he takes the LDS church stance on it but he still loves me. Then I told my dad. He got very upset and told me I would go to hell if I perused this lifestyle and basically gave me the same lecture he did when I first came out to him. We didn’t end up telling my mom, but she later found out from either my brother or dad.
But my parents didn’t want me to come home, so no one would find out I got kicked out so I stayed in Idaho Falls for a month until the end of the semester. I had a great time living there and had a great roommate, and I was closer to a lot of my friends because most of them lived in Idaho Falls.
Well after a month I drove back home to my parents house to live for 2 months. When I get home I go put my stuff in my room, and my parents follow me up to my room.
They sit down and have a talk with me. My dad brought up what happened at school, gave me the lecture how I’m going to hell again, how I can’t have a family, have kids, have a good job if I am gay. How it’s wrong and if I think it’s right I need special help. Then he made me swear I would date girls and marry one and not be gay. So knowing my parents and how they wouldn’t drop this and how they might cut me off financially, and since I only have 21 cents in my bank account, I agreed.
So I have unsuccessfully come out of the closet for the 2nd time.
My plan for attempt number 3 is after I graduate from college and have money of my own. Although my dad said if this happens again it’ll be like shit hitting the fan. So I don’t know what will happen, but I know in the end I need to be true to myself and do what will make me happy.

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