I always forget to update my blog and get behind on my updates. About three weeks ago Cameron and I broke up. He had been doing some very stupid things, and had cheated on me and I could not handle it. The first boyfriend I had cheated on me as well so right now I am having a hard time being able to trust boys, and relationships. I wonder sometimes if there are any loyal guys who want a monogamous relationship like I do. To have a husband and kids and a dog and a nice house. Ultimately the American dream, only with two gay men.
Cameron decided yet again that he wants to be straight. I don't understand him, I don't think I ever will. I wish him the best that he will find what he wants in life, and in a way I feel sorry for him. He doesn't know what he wants, but I do.
I am still in Houston, living with my family. I just got back from a trip to Abilene with my family to see my nieces baptism. I had a great time with my family and I love them. I wish I could feel that they would love me no matter what, that they could have the same unconditional love for me as I do for them.
During my nieces baptism I didn't feel anything, it wasn't a spiritual experience to me, but I still don't have any hard feelings for the church.
We came back home tonight and it felt good being back home. I love hanging out with my family, but sometimes its too much. I get questioned if there are any girls I like, when I am wanting to get married, and all the questions mormon families ask. It bothers me most that my parents know that I am gay, but they continue to ask me if i like this certain girl or if I want to date them. I don't think that going from not being attracted to girls what so ever, and becoming straight can happen so quick, but thats just me.
My days here in Houston keep going by quickly and I'm meeting new people as I am here, some cool guys, some I regret meeting. But life is full of different experiences to make up who we are. Many of those experiences I wish I hadn't gone through, but I know they are the ones that shaped me into the person I am.
I don't know if I will find the guy of my dreams any time soon but I will be looking and hope I can find someone who wants the same things that I do, who is trustworthy and loyal.